You couldn’t make Back to the Future II today because a positive outlook on the future is no longer believable even for a family film.
Idiocracy
You would get sued by FOX ‘News’ for copying their daily programming.
You couldn’t make Titanic today because it wouldn’t be believable… Leonardo Decaprio dating a woman his own age? Preposterous!
You couldn’t make Citizen Kane because flashbacks and other innovative filming techniques are now the norm.
Daybreakers.
First, it’s a mid-budget movie, and Hollywood doesn’t make much of those nowadays.
Secondly, it commits to a wild premise: vampires become the dominant life form in the world. It’s fun, but the actors play it straight. If the tried to do that now, it’d be full of quips and winking at the audience rather than committing to the bit.
Hackers: because no one rollerblades anymore.
You cannot make the Minecraft movie nowadays… you simply cannot, Warner Bros.
To that bottom comment in the picture. You’d be amazed at how incompetent the TSA and other security staff can be at most airports.
I don’t know if this is still accurate, but the TSA failed their surprise tests over 90% of the time.
They didn’t stop the shoe bomber or the underwear bomber either. There’s a term for what they are, “security theater”. They make it look like they’re doing something to protect you, when really all their doing is stealing whatever they can get away with stealing and fingering people’s buttholes as often as possible.
Collateral with Jamie Foxx and Tom Cruise because instead of hiring a taxi for the whole night it be easier to call a fresh Uber after each kill.
Arrival with Amy Adams because people would insist on using AI to translate the alien language.
Blow with Johnny Depp because of fentanyl ruining the ability to just snort a line of whatever whenever.
Dude, Where’s My Car? Ashton Kutcher pulls out his key fob and presses the button, the car beeps and they find it immediately.
Stuart Little - mice can’t talk anymore
You couldn’t make Cool Runnings today because the Jamaican bobsled team has been around for a few decades.
Really any movie that involves legacy telephones.
- Phone Booth: The whole movie
- Scream: “The call is coming from inside the house”
- The Matrix: “Pick up the phone!”
- Etc, etc.
Also you couldn’t make Home Alone 2 today because most of the actors are a lot older now.
Now I want to see a 44-year old McCauley Culkin doing a new home alone, where his kids forget him at home.
Home Alone where Culkin plays Kevin again, but he’s an adult and paranoid about people breaking into his house while his wife is on vacation, so he’s rigged the whole thing as a death trap.
Remake Don’t Breathe but with an adult Kevin, essentially.
I want to see a new Home Alone where 44-year old McCauley Culkin plays an 8 year old and no one acknowledges that he isn’t actually 8 years old.
Hey if Martin Short could do it, so csn McCauly
The Critic did that joke way back in the 90s.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fonlEU7dFwA
And if you’re interested in The Critic, I’ve authored the definitive episode guide and I suggest you BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK! BUY MY BOOK!
He just has a cool day. Some day drinking. High calorie snacks. Porn on the living room TV. Da works.
I’d rather see a remake/reboot where Culkin plays a character similar to old man Marley, accidentally scaring the kid character as a local urban legend. Similar to the scene in the church in the classic, he could empathize with the kid of the movie by talking about how he once wished that his family left him alone in that time of year too, and he quickly found that he regretted that wish and he missed them terribly. A decent writer could roll with that concept and still make it a great scene where the kid has wise advice to impart so it’s not just a soulless excuse for people to go “hey, that’s OG Kevin!” I’m not that writer, but hopefully a good writer reads this and can get a solid idea together to pitch so I can see that movie in my lifetime.
And he has early stage parkinsons, with hilarious consequences? I like your thinking, kiddo. you’re hired!
That one guy who gives Kevin directions is 78 now!
You can’t make “The Princess Bride” nowadays because optimism and feel good emotions aren’t things that we’re allowed to have anymore.
