- cross-posted to:
- atheism@lemmy.world
- cross-posted to:
- atheism@lemmy.world
Summary
Former Fox News host Tucker Carlson claimed he was “physically mauled” by a demon in his sleep, leaving claw marks on his body, which he says are still visible. Carlson described waking with intense pain, bleeding claw marks, and an overwhelming urge to read the Bible. He recounted the experience as confusing yet transformative, adding that while he doesn’t expect others to believe him, the incident profoundly impacted him.
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do not declaw those dogs
Dude that’s called domestic abuse, and you probably deserved it.
He should keep that between him and his woman. He doesn’t need to lie to us. 🤷♂️
Or between him and his dogs
People are saying it’s the dogs, but given that it’s Tucker Carlson I think it’s far more likely that he’s just flat out lying.
A new religion is born.
Hey, Christians who believe in demonic possession: How come it’s only y’all getting possessed and not my heathen, atheist ass who literally invites the demons in?
Your atheist ass is inviting people in you say?
Only demons are invited in this atheist ass
😈🍑
Demons LOVE the Bible so this makes PERFECT Sense!
How to explain away the signs of rough gay sex to your wife.
How to explain away the signs of rough
gaybeastial sex to your wife.FTFY
Tucker Carlson and JD Vance had rough normal gay guy sex and he’s getting ahead of any story and saying it was demon assault.
I can also take part in conspiracies
It’s why JD Vance’s pimp handlers slather him in makeup and eyeliner to keep Tucker interested in MAGA. All funded from the top down by Elon Musk who eats babies in a failed and desperate attempt to stay young.
That’s why he makes that many, he has to start numbering them in Xenu…
Tucker made the mistake of dressing up as a couch for Halloween.
He was asking for it.
He was asking for it!
The demon turned him into a couch
sleep paralysis combined with he sleeps with dogs and they have nails. next.
Sleep paralysis was likely what people would later claim to each other was a nighttime demon encounter back in the 1750s So it’s accurate to Tucker and the GOP who just want to burn witches
I’m worried that y’all don’t know what lying is.
he’s just enough of a thumb that he legit might not know what dreams are tho
“I got attacked while I was asleep with my wife and four dogs and mauled, physically mauled.” … “I have no idea what happened.”
lol
4… FOUR Dogs? Imagine the smell…
I’m actually a bit jealous of his sleeping situation. I don’t mind dogs being “dirty” and I’d prefer 4 dogs (and maybe a wife) to sleeping alone.
This is the level of critical thinking that conservative pundits are exercising.
tl;dr: Comrade Carlson doesn’t think he’s getting enough attention lately.
I see he’s taking a page from Alex Jones’s bible.
Anyway, what are the chances that someone’s going to come forward that Carlson assaulted them and they fought back? Just asking questions.
Alex Jones’s bible
I shudder to think what that thing is filled with.
Leaded cocaine
Sea moss these days
Boner pills
No it’s missing pages because he needed to snort his boner pills.
and bath salts.
You’re telling me this is a real story like in a real news source?
JFC
The fun is this for me is the thought that a supernatural force attacked you in your sleep, you claim it to be a Christian/religious force, and yet at no point does he acknowledge/reflect that maybe his actions may cause scrutiny by his religious beliefs.
Thought process?: “My God created everything, including deamons sent to attack me personally, clearly I am doings gods work”
Yeah seriously! Why does it have to be a Christian supernatural force? It could just be Baba Yaga “reaching out” as it were, to a kindred spirit.
Why couldn’t it be the fae trying to pull him into their world? Or perhaps an evil yokai finally tracked him down?
Maybe his original soul escaped the mirror dimension and was trying to claw its way back into his body!
“so I was sleeping normally when all of a sudden this chicken legged toolshed attacks me”
Ah shit that’s unfortunate. Better luck next time, demon.
