At 9 years old I excelled in English. My teacher gave me the extension task of finding 10 words to add to a spelling list every week. Part of it was using the word in a sentence.
I misremembered the word ‘substitute’ one week, and my sentence for the word I chose instead became “Contact lenses are used as a prostitute for glasses.”
Somehow I was still allowed to continue the extension tasks after that.
Exodia, sodomize!
my grandfathers deck has no pathetic cards but it does contain the power of SODOMY
I mean… It still 100% works and has roughly the same meaning in that context.
“They got destroyed!”
“They got fucked in the ass!”
Same difference 🤷♂️
You do have to be careful, though. I got myself a ban on a text based MMO back in the day when I was a dumb kid for saying I raped and exam.
In hindsight it was very insensitive
I wouldn’t say insensitive, just a shock for the other test takers.
It’s biblically accurate.
At some point when I was a young kid and hadn’t learned anything about anything, I got it in my head that “condoms” is an abbreviation for “condiments.”
Fast forward to watching the color drain out from my poor mother’s face at a restaurant when, after being asked if we needed anything, I calmly and with a completely straight face informed the waitress that we could use some condoms.
When I was a kid, my parents had a dog that was already getting up there in years, named Arthur. At some point it was explained to me that he was moving slowly and getting tired more quickly because of his arthritis.
I thought my dad was saying ‘Arthur-itis,’ as a way of saying the dog was getting old and frail. I discovered my mistake when we were at my grandmother’s and I blamed her taking an hour to get ready to go out for dinner on her ‘Nana-itis’
My aunt was horrified when I told her I made a condom…I had made apartment with LEGO and just learned the word “condominium”
Oh god, a LEGO condom… You thought stepping on a LEGO was bad… Try sticking a whole sculpture in ya
Just needed some condom mints
The wrong kind of tingles.
The youngster’s precocious, certainly.
When I was like 5, I mixed up spectacles with testicles.
‘I can’t do the test today teacher, I forgot my testicles at home’
I had a friend, we were like 12, who was quizzing our biology teacher and eventually she asked him what the biggest orgasm was instead of organism.
Spectacles, testicles, wallet, watch.
But wallet (if I had one) would be same side as watch…
Am I banished to heck?
When I was 10ish I mixed up organisms with orgasms. Talking to my adult brother-in-law and sister “there are a lot of weird orgasms in this level.” Contra.
Wow, you really like Contra.
Yeah, but in a weird way
Had a teacher who would say “quiz-ee” instead of “quiz”. He stopped the day he said “test-ee”.
Edit: As a bonus, he taught Biology…
For some reason when I was a kid I thought Spanish and Chinese were somehow related.
Sometimes, they are 🤷🏻
(Specific Spanish and Chinese people, I mean)
Chinish Spanese
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When I was younger I used to think a drug addict was someone who did drugs in their attic. I always thought it was strange that people had to go up in their attics to do drugs
When I was still in junior school, our team lost badly at football. I went home and told my parents we were well and truly buggered. (That’s what Jamie had said and I thought it sounded appropriately drastic.) Mum gasped and sternly said my name, and Dad firmly said that I shouldn’t use that word. I asked why not. Very patiently, he explained to me what it meant. I was a little taken aback and did indeed stop using that word.
I don’t get it, what does it mean? Well and truly buggered sounds very polite to me.
Anal intercourse (usually between human and animal)
Wow, TIL…
I thought it just meant “bothered”…
I don’t think the animal bit is right.
I’m not too buggered about it. I mean bothered.
What?! Dad didn’t mention animals, just “some men”.
That’s why I said usually.
I think in British English buggered literally means to have received anal intercourse and figuratively means for everything to have gone wrong for you. Synonym for shafted.
I’ve never heard it used in reference to sexual crimes against animals, so I don’t think “usually” is right.
I learned it from my British parents and wasn’t until I was a adult that I heard it was used for non human/animal anal sex.
They used it in a way to mean “go away” (as in go get fucked by a dog).
Shafted has in implication being wrongful. So when my dad told us to bugger off, he wasn’t saying we were getting shafted.
I guess it means whatever the person saying it wants it to mean.
In all fairness, it the British peoples’ fault for coming up with goofy names for non goofy matters.
May apologise on behalf of my people. I shall endeavour to only call it rectal intercourse from now on.
Well… he’s not wrong.
He’s not correct, either; he’s just less wrong than he’s correct.
You ain’t wrong kid
Damn, they really raped us in the ass out there huh?
Our assholes got obliterated
I thought it was “Sodom and Gamera” for way too long. Imagine some giant, fire-breathing turtle out there getting attacked by God for being too sinful or whatever
When I was a kid, I wondered why there were Gamorreans in Star Wars, but not Sodomites…
I mean, there’s no proof the fire that destroyed the cities wasn’t raining down from a kaiju. The only witness was Lot’s wife and she wasn’t saying much afterwards
Turtles aren’t supposed to have jets! That ain’t natural!
Probably not far from what actually happened to the O’s
“We got Gomorrahed out there!”
So many people traveling the Oregon Trial got dysenteried.
Still works
