“Yeah it was The Great British Bake Off, but you can’t tell me Spurs didn’t deserve to win that!”

• Jermaine Jenas

Bring in RefBot from Robot Wars, never made any mistakes.

Dibs

Not the biggest of all time, but one that confuses me a lot - Ndombele. It’s so clear there’s real talent in that boy, yet time and time again he wastes the chances put to him (although I do wonder if there’s more going on behind the scenes than we realise.)

That Newcastle team was quite something

Tiote (RIP) smashing it in for 4-4 against Arsenal

In all honesty I’d be pretty surprised if Perisic plays another game for Spurs - long term injury, contract up soon and he’s on the wrong side of 30.

Probably a machine that spits out random info about each team before the match so pundits look like they know what they’re on about

I think the goal is chalked off, hasn’t this (or something rather similar) happened before?

Ah, Graeme! Good to see you again!

“I’ve just had a mare right, some massive bodybuilding geezer came running at me out the bushes, god knows why, anyway I’ve lamped him, he’s gone flying…”

shows up to court wearing a pair of glasses he’d never been seen wearing before or since in an attempt to appear more vulnerable

Honestly Hulk was pretty clever - built a reputation around himself as being a monster player with a cool nickname and then used it to leverage huge contracts in leagues he would easily dominate.

May not have the best ‘football’ career and could have done more sporting wise, but he’ll have a hell of a retirement fund when he hangs up his boots.

The Universe would probably split in two

Most of his goals are pretty decent strikes, honestly wish Spurs hadn’t got rid of him when you look at who replaced him (Njie, Nkoudou, Onomah…)

David Bentley’s 40-yard lob against Arsenal

Bale in 2012/13 for Spurs - without him they’d have been in a relegation battle.

The PL isn’t going to implode if Chelsea and City get relegated (Newcastle haven’t breached any rules.)

It’s home to multiple clubs with worldwide support (Arsenal, Liverpool and Man United specifically) and many other teams capable of making and competing in Europe (right now Brighton, Villa and West Ham are all there.) Losing Chelsea and City isn’t going to break any of that.

And why not xPostsOnR\PremierLeague too, for games which will inevitably cause some kind of meltdown.

Ajax beating both Real Madrid and Juventus in the 2018/19 UCL (and their games against Bayern in the group stage were solid too.)