And it makes the whole ordeal just… so hard.
I’m not the first to be anxious about it, and I won’t be the last, but that doesn’t make it any easier.
I want to tell my family. I want to tell the people who can support me, because without that support I fear my transition won’t be going anywhere for quite some time. And that’s a thought I don’t want to have right now.
Getting it out would also help tremendously with my day to day life in general. That weight on my chest is so heavy right now, it genuinely cancels out my ADHD meds most days, which doesn’t make my life any simpler either.
There’s always this worry about how they will react. Parents, siblings and so on. I don’t think my family would have anything against it, so it shouldn’t be that hard, right?
My sisters react positively to any little hint I drop, and answer all my questions that go outside of traditional masculinity without any judgement at all. Giving me an epilator they had left over was the most normal thing in the world to them, and I can’t appreciate it enough.
My parents, well idk. They don’t really know much about LGBTQIA+ in general, though the concept of being trans is not foreign to them. My mum has mentioned on multiple occasions in my life as a single that she wouldn’t mind if I brought a guy home, instead of a girl. So that’s a start, I guess.
There is one guy in my family who is very conservative. I don’t think he’d like it, but I’ve always stood my ground on literally anything we ever talked about, and I very much mean to continue doing so.
So, before this turns into a novel, I will stop myself there. Damn phone screens being so small, I’m never aware of how much I already wrote.
I think I’ll approach the topic with my sisters first, sounds like a good plan.
Only need the courage to do so.
The thing I’ve found about courage is you don’t need a lot of you spend it in bursts.
This will happen. Good or bad. Right now you’re torturing yourself over something that may or may not happen. So ask yourself, is your current situation better than the worst likely scenario?
I didn’t have an entirely good coming out experience. I haven’t spoken to my ex father since. I still regret stewing in my fear and misery so long. A decade later I see how it did me nothing but harm.
Also they may or may not know, but they seem to definitely know something is up.
Probably not. I want to be myself, that’s what’s important.
Sometimes I wonder if they actually suspect anything, or if they are completely oblivious. Wouldn’t surprise me either way, to be honest.
I’m shaving my beard, something I’ve never done before. I’m letting my hair grow, I’m ever so slightly shaping my eyebrows and so on.
…
Huh. I just remembered. My dad handed me the newspaper a few days ago, pointing at an ad for Beauty Yoga, whatever that means.
You want to be more active again, maybe that’s something for you?
Normally I can tell by the tone of his voice if he’s joking, but that was in fact slightly more serious than joking.
Ah, bless his heart.
Yeah I was sure my family knew. My mom was getting very vocally pro trans and everything. They didn’t suspect shit lol. My mom was bragging to her friends that she raised such a good ally of a son. Speculation is pointless beyond how it informs preparation.
But yeah shave the denial beard. Move forward. Come out. Early transition is mostly waiting. When you need to act to move forward do it, not doing so is just adding more time before you join us in the post transition club. It’s nice over here
On that note, why does hair take so long to grow -_-