I have excuses, but im fucking up.

I want to run away, off my self, whatever. I can’t, I wont do that to my kids. But I think about it a lot.

My patience is getting shorter and shorter. Again, I have excuses and maybe id give myself grace but im not getting better im getting worse.

I don’t see how I fit into my life besides my kids. Everything else is just me doing what I feel like im supposed to do.

I just caused a big fight calling out my wife for shit she’s not doing when she has to deal with me being a slug. I cant say shit, or at least I shouldnt but she asked me or alluded to me doing something I cant do easily because of my foot injury and she knows it and I got defensive and got on her about her shit. It blew up.

I not getting at anything here just trying to get it off my chest

  • Eq0@literature.cafeEnglish
    15·
    2 months ago

    I will give unwanted and probably unneeded advice, but who knows maybe it’s useful to someone.

    For me, it has been really useful to really ponder on the why you are fucking up. And not the excuses, but the root cause. Finding it can be difficult, it’s really easy to be satisfied with partial answers.

    Do you feel overwhelmed? Upset? Annoyed? Unloved?

    Personally, recently I feel that life has been unfair to me, and that made me upset, and that in turn made me loose my patience and be meaner to the people around me. It took my partner pointing it out and a lot of self reflection to find the root. And a little more to acknowledge that life in not usually fair and to let go of the anger. The rest is solving itself.