And the last time he got this drunk, he almost killed my mom by trying to push her down the stairs. 👍 Let’s just say, i’m far less than pleased that he is this pissed.
This time, there wasn’t much of anything. He went to bed after I helped him get about and undress. Plugged in his phone and gave him loads of water + bucket just in case.
But you know what I hate the most? The fucking people that continually egg others on to drink and the people that do nothing about it. Mf clearly, clearly have had enough to drink. But no, “one more shot, one more shot” and he drank it. Mf could not walk in a straight line unaided.
I believe the responsibilitiy lies within the group because ofc there was people that were drinking, other people that were designated drivers who understood what was going on. Ofc he’s also to blame because he gave in, which makes him the most responsible accordingly.
The worst part, I have no idea if I’m in the right to be mad. I should be fully and only mad at my dad, but i’m mad at everyone involved because in my mind they let the situation develop. No one had the balls (or ovaries, etc) to say, “stop pushing people to drink, you morons”. It is one of the most basic ass human being things i’ve experienced with my irl friends when I first started drinking. No one pushed each other to drink. We got what we wanted and that’s it. And we had that common semse at 18. 18!! They’re old ass adults for crying out loud.
they are also our blood related family. Shouldn’t “family” give a shit about this, especially the designated drivers who had the mental capacity to think for a minute and be like “shit, maybe we should step in. This behaviour is unacceptable” like wtfs?
Maybe i’m blowing this out of proportion. Maybe i’m an undiagnosed autist. Maybe i’m fucking wrong. If i am, PLEASE (unironically) tell me.
How often does this happen? If it’s once a decade that seems OK, once a week, definitely not.
I’m 40. I never got the memo about growing up. There was never an adult moment. When I was half my age, life had a lot more promise and that commonality drives a lot of the more balanced interactions. What you can’t really understand at a much younger age is how alone and lonely the world becomes with age for most people. That hopeful promise fades, and with it goes purpose and hope. Dreams and intentions pass you by and mistakes haunt you. This drives many to a hedonistic place of connections with anyone that lets the person return to a carefree time of hopefulness or anywhere but this reality.
He likely lacks meaningful connections and turns to his only social outlet. If he has the depth, he needs a hobby or interest that helps him to connect with more stable people.
Let your dad sober up and then let him know how this makes you feel. Some people really need to hear how their choices can affect other people. If he’s a reasonable person he will listen. If he’s an alcoholic he might double down, but he won’t know how you feel unless you tell him.
https://al-anon.org/al-anon-meetings/find-an-al-anon-meeting/
https://adultchildren.org/meeting-search/
Al Anon is not the same thing as Alcoholics Anonymous [AA] AA is for the drinker and Al Anon is support for the families dealing with the addict. They have online meetings and face to face. Al A Teen meetings are for younger folks.
Adult Children of Alcoholics is a smaller organization. It focuses more on the effects of being raised in a dysfunctional home.
Your dad might be addicted to alcohol, which means it’s not necessary that anyone pushed him to drink that much. Addicts can easily lose control over their consumption. Not saying that this must be the case just wanted to throw the possibility out there
I have no idea if I’m in the right to be mad. I should be fully and only mad at my dad, but i’m mad at everyone involved because in my mind they let the situation develop
Oh absolutly you have the right to be pissed at them all. You’re right to recognize that fundamentally your dad is responsible for his own actions, but it would be naive not to notice the toxic culture around binge drinking. Here he is just dropped on your lap needing care that he can’t provide for himself. You are entirely correct to be frustrated at those who made it your problem. Including and especially him! I imagine you wouldn’t care much if he drunkingly kept to himself, but instead he hurts your mother and makes his wellbeing your responsibility. I’m really sorry you gotta deal with this all. I would be pissed too. :(
I can unfortunately understand this all too well as I’m in the somewhat same position:
Alcoholic abusive dad who treats others including family like shit
I fully believe that you are in the right to be mad.
As adults they should be able to either drink in moderation or keep company who would help them stop drinking once certain limits are reached.
After I drunk myself silly on Dec 2017 and made an embarassment out of myself I decided to stop drinking altogether as I didn’t want to become like my dad. Seeing my family continue to devolve as my dad becomes a further hardcore alcoholic kills me inside as he’s becoming more and more like an infant with no semblance of self control or rational thought.
It’s quite infuriating to think that there are many others in the same position that I wish that only I had the unpleasant luck in experiencing.
My recommendation as someone who’s in the same situtation is to run as soon as you’re able to and never look back. I’ve tried to suggest to both my parents to seek counciling and additional alternatives for several years as the situation is continually depressing and is unsustainable. This has not changed and at this point, I’m changing my name, address, and phone number and cutting all ties once I can save enough money to rent anything.
I’d also recommend talking about your situation to any friends willing to hear you out as they’d be the most likely people to also help bail you out✊ if the situation becomes dire enough(I’ve seen how badly things can go enough to the point I was willing to go homeless).
For anyone reading this, please consider donating to my Liberapay, apologies for this shameless plug but I’m still in the toxic living conditions as I’ve just explained so any amount honestly would go a long way
I helped him get about and undress. Plugged in his phone and gave him loads of water + bucket just in case.
This is called enabling.
While not liking the family members behavior might be fair I wouldn’t be mad at them for something your father willingly did.
