Props to this person for never washing their mouth off their friend’s blood. I’m sure they had the chance to do it, but chose to walk all over the hospital with their mouth covered in blood so that the nurse could see it, otherwise the joke wouldn’t have landed.
You ever try to get blood out in a hurry?
I mean, obviously this is the internet and nothing is real, but it’s not impossible that they still had some blood on them in the frenzy to get to the hospital.
I don’t know how hospitals work in the US (assuming that OP is a US citizen, because that’s what we do on the internet), but where I come from, determining the cause of an injury is very important to decide on an effective treatment. Bites in particular are very nasty and can lead to a lot of scary complications (including human bites!).
There’s no way in hell the nurse just said “yeah ok got it fam” and went along with her day like it wasn’t important.
And maybe I’m too jaded, but I read “we also got engaged” and my mind automatically added “and everyone clapped” at the end of the sentence lol
There’s no way in hell the nurse just said “yeah ok got it fam” and went along with her day like it wasn’t important.
I suspect that, if true, it was clarified further down the line before treatment. Or, considering how I’ve been in-and-out of the ER, the nurse just wrote down ‘human bite’ regardless of what the patient claimed lmao.
Like I said. It’s the internet. I’m not saying it’s definitely real. But it’s far from impossible.
She would chart the cause as accurately as she can; whether she also writes down the obvious lie is up to her. Which means she would write down “human bite”; not because it’s best for the patient, not because of liability, but because every other staff member (nurses and doctors included) would laugh at her if she didn’t. Nurses got a pecking order, and writing down obvious nonsense in a patient’s chart is a good way to drop ranks.
As someone that has worked in healthcare and knows what ER staff see every day:
Lol, bet?
I feel like there’s not much hygiene difference between a human bite and a rat. They’re probably both equally bad
Probably different types of infections you can get from that.
And all treated with broad spectrum antibiotics so…
We like to use the narrowest spectrum antibiotics possible to limit side effects and breeding resistance. Also, the really broad spectrum ones are expensive.
Sure we do, bro.
Preface: I am not a doctor, this is just my understanding. Human bites are, on the whole, much worse. You have to consider that the human mouth is full of bacteria that the human immune system hasn’t already dealt with, so human bites can infect really bad.
Not that rats don’t have awful things in their mouths. Get it looked at either way.
Cat bites as well. Cat scratch fever is a real thing, but it’s far easier to contract directly from the source. I would extrapolate to carnivorous animals = bad infection when bit, but somehow dogs don’t have as much bad bacteria in their mouths, should still get a dog bite looked at, even though there’s way less chance of infection due to saliva bacteria.
That’s where the myth that having a dog lick a wound is a good thing. They don’t have as much bad bacteria, so back in the day before antibiotics and Neosporin, having a dog lick the wound would help clean away some of the bad bacteria.
I mean, there is plenty of time to lick lips on the way to the hospital.
Use water? It takes 2 seconds to wash blood off of skin with plain ol water.
Once when my sister and I were teenagers, she was hogging the computer and so I just picked up the chair with her in it to move her out of my way. As I walked past, her friend (whom I hadn’t touched) used her bite to make an attack of opportunity against me. It wasn’t gentle - there was no blood but there were tooth-marks.
I had mixed feelings afterwards. On the one hand, it hurt. On the other hand, a girl touched me. With her mouth. I had never been kissed at that point but being bitten was close…
(I didn’t end up marrying her.)
Also a d6 bite is nonsense. The average commoner has 4 hp and 10 strength, so one commoner would be able to kill another commoner with a single bite 50% of the time. I’m not saying a human bite can’t be lethal, but it’s not “stabbed with a shortsword” lethal. Meanwhile, even a d4 bite from a level 1, 16-str barbarian is already invariably lethal to a commoner.
(Yeah, I know, HP isn’t supposed to be realistic, etc. I just hate fun.)
Given the nastiness of the human mouth, “fight bite” (hand cuts from accidentally punching teeth) is often treated with antibiotics. On that basis I’d stick with at most 1d2 damage, plus lingering status effects to the hand unless you have disease curing abilities or medicaments. Maybe the damage sticks unless specially treated, and untreated you can lose the hand to infection?
Yeah, but that would be treated like poison damage at a later time with a savings throw.
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Haha, I’m glad you liked it. I was a little bit drunk and worried it might not be as funny to everyone else as it seemed in my head at the time.
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I mean, if you’re going to attempt to kill with a bite, I’d assume they’re going for the neck or other particularly vulnerable place. I’d argue commoner bite attacks should have very low chance to hit, but could plausibly be lethal. Most places they get a good bite won’t be able to do any damage, except maybe cause a Con save for disease… I’d say an improvised attack with Disadvantage for 1d6 damage probably works pretty well.
Yeah, a bite is more like a dagger than a short sword. Plus barbarians already get an extra +2 damage while raging, which makes their bites average more than a d6 plus strength with the same max damage.
Beast barbarians can even cause their teeth to grow during a rage giving them a d8 bite attack.
LOL, that’s amazing.
Also, d4 is the damage of a dagger, which is a weapon made specifically to kill people and has a ~25% chance of killing a commoner (who typically has 4 hp) in one hit with just the rolled damage.
Exactly. I mean it’s a cute story but I 100% still thinks that is 1d4 damage lol
Not even 1d4. It’s just 1 + STR, which is standard for an unarmed strike.
Unless the biter has tavern brawler feat
I’m not looking to get married, but keep in mind it’s a Barbarian bite. So the biter’s half-feral and accustomed to gnawing on raw meat.
thats why the d4 has +strength modifier though
But imagine a barbarian bit a DM, and then some guy who hit the gym a lot and could lift as much as the barbarian bit an identical DM. I maintain that the barbarian would do more damage, due to a lifetime of e.g. breaking bones with their mouth, gnawing the bark off a tree, etc.
but why would a barbarian do all those things? the barbarian class is just a strong and tough guy who gets angry, not an actual barbarian that eats bark and stuff like that
i mean they can be but they can also be simple people who are strong and get angry easily (without doing what people would call barbarities)
hmmm you may have a point. I guess I was thinking of barbarian in terms of:
People of towns and cities take pride in their settled ways, as if denying one’s connection to nature were a mark of superiority. To a barbarian, though, a settled life is no virtue, but a sign of weakness. The strong embrace nature—valuing keen instincts, primal physicality, and ferocious rage. Barbarians are uncomfortable when hedged in by walls and crowds. They thrive in the wilds of their homelands: the tundra, jungle, or grasslands where their tribes live and hunt.
https://www.dndbeyond.com/classes/9-barbarian
In the context of embracing nature and thriving in the wilds, it seems like a barbarian would have more cause to use their teeth.
I’d give it a flat 1HP, if that. Unless you get me in the neck, I doubt any human bite would take 25% of this commoners HP.
Thing is, if you’re trying to bite someone to death the neck is the most natural target (vs. bending down to take a chunk out of their stomach or trying to open the veins in the arms). The difficulty is more in actually getting in range, which realistically would get down to grappling in a fight.
Do commoners not go down to -9? I don’t think any session I’ve ever played bothered with caring about the peasantry, lmao
NPCs and monsters automatically die at zero HP in DmD 5th and the editions prior that I was the DM for. There was a reminder that the DM could choose to let them go under, but the default was death on zero for non-player characters and monsters.
Just imagine tracking death saving throws for every NPC and weak monsters…
Not since 3.5.
I’m loving the comments.
Half of them are discussing the game mechanics and damage of the bite.
The other half are sharing the feelings of affection that apparently came from being bitten.I mean, if a friend bit you would it not cause some aff-Oh, just friends, not roommates…hm…
You have to stab him with a dagger too and see which is worse.
You have to do it many times to weigh the average
And compute the standard deviation.
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i know people on the Internet have seemingly impossibly boring lives where nothing ever happens to them - but this isn’t even that hard to believe
That when they arrived in the Hospital Like half an hour later they still had blood in their mouth that they didnt wash out, wipe away or anything?
“yeah let me thoroughly clean myself off before rushing this man to the hospital”
How do you know how far they live from a hospital?
How many people have you bitten? Blood stains your lips, especially if you let it dry, it’s not as easy as wiping it off. You need hot water and soap, which might not have been in the car during the trip to the hospital.
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I don’t know, I don’t think anyone would come up with something like this.
Frankly, it sounds plausible.
yeah okay that happens
You don’t leave the blood from your bite victims smeared across your mouth when you take them to the emergency room?
That’s just kinky with extra steps
Pretty sure that’s what the nurse assumed.
I’m not confident the nurse was wrong!
OP got blood-bonded lmao
His DM: “I don’t believe you. Bite me. HARD. 😈”
Of all the happenings, this is certainly the mostiust definitius.
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Anônimo disse
I actually did bite my dm with explicit consent. because I was trying to argue that a ranger/barbarian’s bite would be d6+Strength Modifier. and not d4+Strength Modifier. and he was like lmao human bites aren’t even that strong. and I said bet. and he said well bite me then as strong as an 18 attack roll would be (the prison guard had 14AC btw) and we had to stop the game because he had to go get stitches.
also he didn’t wanna say he let himself get bit to win an argument that he lost so badly he’s in the emergency room, so he was like “a rat did it” and the nurse turns her head 12 degrees to the left and sees my bloody mouth. and goes “yeah okay that happens”
and we did get the barbarian bite attack to be d6+Strength Modifier. I’m also now engaged to this guy and this campaign I get to be the dm!
probablybadrpgideas Absolute rollercoaster, but congrats on the engagement - Paper
Everyone knows a bite attack’s damage is just strength + successes rolled lethal damage. Agg if you are some kinda freak.
