Axe with increased crit range (both sides)

Flaming sword (no off switch; do not keep near oil, pa}er, etc.

Shock arrows with electrical damage, stun on crit, compulsion to say some wsgelord shit next time youre talking to a new person each time you use one (non-stacking)

Cold spear, extra bonus damage beyond normal, weather table is always like two steps worse (please get it the fuck out of the city!)

Holy sword-but the sword has incentives to make you act like a cliche of how not to play a paladin

Wand of magic missile (can only target abstractions)

Wand of fireball (two charges per user. Not usable by everyone; made by an angry dramatic kinky trans woman)

Immovable rod (no off switch)

Staff of teleport (fixed targets for each charge, comes with the list. Maybe.)

Tome of stat boost (obnoxious)-comes with compulsions (gym bro[toxic], yoga[toxic], raw milk/crunchiness, quoting Nietzsche or von neumann or something at every opportunity, talking in parables, cringe political opinions)

Bracers of archery, must attempt to do everything with an arrow, thrown knife, or other projectile if even remotely plausible.

Cloak of resistance, resists being worn, being taken off

Magic carpet (ugly)

Magic carpet, slightly funny smelling, totally not from an extraplanar brothel, loses its power for a week if washed.

Glasses of true seeing (also everyone’s naked)

Glasses of ‘true’ seeing (or high tech HUD in a cyberpunk setting), functions as normal, but also projects useful information like phrenology charts, relevant conspiracy theories, the best applicable slurs all in a helpful opaque overlay.

Container of endless water (gross) theres like chunks of algae and stuff, a little silt, definitely at least brackish.

Flagon of endless beer (insultingly cheap, but will still get you drunk. Eventually.) Loojs exactly with, and is magically connected to its twin: flagon of endless actual-cat-piss

boots of haste-functions as normal, but when given the option, you must always choose ‘fast’ over ‘good’, cannot delay actions, etc.

It is slop though. It lacks interiority, the detail and embellishments and shading methods what is or is not included do not convey information, are meaningless. It is an image without history intention or interiority. It does not draw on complex extant systems of meaning (even a kids show), it dies not help create systems of meaning. It is a throwaway homogenized forgettable hollow sludge mess.

Maybe thats fine for some things, maybe it’s not, but it’s still slop. Nothing can make it not-slop. Fuvk you, dont talk about art if you dont even understand information.

That’s the goal, yes. Everyone likes to correct t 0people who they think are wrong on the internet

So either I get to be roght, or i get a regular game.

Wand of wishes, but gives you what you actually want right now.

Yeah, you need a bridge, but you’re fatigued, so on some level what you really want is a hot bath and a warm bed; maybe some soup.

The periapt of health also keeps you from the fun effects of drugs (including alcohol); not useless, but keeps working for 24 hours after you take it off

Deck of many uncomfortable things Normal mix of good and bad, weak and powerful, but as an example: the two dueling demon lords it spawned aren’t fighting for power or honor; this is a domestic dispute between two extremely intimate (succubus intestines can do what? Why? WHY?) supernaturally-dickish immortals who have been emotionally abusing each other for a thousand years, and they’re airing all their dirty laundry. Take sides if you dare.

Ring of mind shielding: Also shields you from anything uncomfortable; you do not gain xp. (Yeah yours is better)

Ring of mind shielding (extremely racist): you can’t see elves’ faces now. you’re welcome.

Portable hole: It’s soft, meaty, and contains multiple (always closed) giant sphincters. Sometimes shudders. Otherwise functions normally. So far.

Or makes you smell horrible. Yes I just stole this from ‘cruelty squad’.

Sounds better than ‘has a thirst for knowledge that needs to be crushed’.

Yeah. And even when someone challenges you to play another noble paladin, they never get less weird.

Hearsay. Not proof.

That’s still shitty. More deliberately but less terminally.

I don’t do d&d; rules heavy and bad design with the bloat of history, but otherwise interested!

Didn’t/aren’t the devs so anti accountability now that they don’t even want mods names connected with actions?

And of course mod names (not even aliases) go on the mod log, which is cool and good. At this point why does it even exist?

But scheduling ttrpg’s is impossible.

If anyone wants to prove me wrong, I’ll run one over matrix if I get 4 players.

To be fair its pretty easy to house cocaine.

Seriously. At this point I just mock them. I don’t even offer solutions. Fuck you, you shat in our bed, now swim in it or get the fuck out.

My cocaine is malnourished?

Okay buy that sounds hard and I use tech because it’s easy, so…

This is really the best answer. Similar vibes, a little less terf islander twee, a little more american twee, and other than that;

Good omens:the good place as the Simpsons:futurama

We are.