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Cake day: August 8th, 2023

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  • January 20, 2021

    Joe,

    Well, Joe, you made it. A lot of people said you wouldn’t. Frankly, I’m surprised, but here we are. You know, this job—it’s not easy. People don’t understand. They think they know, but they have no idea. Believe me, it’s the toughest job in the world. I did it better than anyone ever has, that I can tell you. People say it all the time. But now it’s your turn. Let’s see what you’ve got.

    You’re going to learn quickly, Joe. The media? They’ll love you at first. They’re on your side now, we all know that, OK? They never treated me fairly. It was a witch hunt from day one. Fake news—nonstop. But here’s the thing: they’ll turn on you too. Trust me, they always do. And when they do, you’ve got to be ready. They’re not your friends, Joe. They never were.

    Let’s talk about the swamp. You know it’s bad, I know it’s bad—everybody knows it’s bad. But it’s worse than you think. Much worse. They’ll smile to your face and stab you in the back. I cleaned a lot of it up—did an incredible job, by the way—but you’ve got to watch out. You’ve been here 47 years, but I don’t think you’ve seen what I’ve seen. Be strong, Joe. You’re going to need to be stronger than you’ve ever been.

    America First, Joe. Always. I rebuilt this country. Best economy in history. Nobody’s ever seen anything like it. Record jobs, record stock market, and then—boom—the China virus hit. Total disaster. But we handled it amazingly. You’re inheriting something great, don’t mess it up. People love America First, Joe. You’d better not forget that. The radical left—they’ll try to pull you away from it. Don’t let them do it. They’ll ruin everything. Believe me, they’re bad news. Very bad news.

    And here’s the thing: they’ll tell you to undo everything we did—big mistake. Huge. The military? I rebuilt it. Our trade deals? Best deals we’ve ever had. You don’t want to go back to the old way. It was a disaster before me. Total disaster. Keep what works, Joe, even if they tell you not to. They won’t admit it, but they know I was right. Everybody knows it.

    Anyway, Joe, good luck. You’re gonna need it. We’ll see what happens, right? A lot of people are watching. And you never know, maybe I’ll be back in 2024. People are talking about it. A lot of people.

    Donald J. Trump
    45th President of the United States

    P.S. Don’t let Kamala take over. I hear she’s already measuring the drapes. Sad!

    Edit: forgot to mention that this is not the real letter. Obviously.
















  • Russia will make changes to its doctrine on the use of nuclear weapons in response to what it regards as Western escalation in the war in Ukraine, state media quoted Deputy Foreign Minister Sergei Ryabkov as saying on Sunday.

    Oooh… Someone’s realized that a substantially smaller country with Jewish Nazis in the government is way more competent when it comes to specialized military operations?

    This is more a sign of desperation than a sign of either strategic military confidence or a booming economy.

    Moscow accuses the West of using Ukraine as a proxy to wage war against it, with the aim of inflicting a “strategic defeat” on Russia and breaking it apart.

    Dude, you’re making yourself more important than you actually are. No one cares about you.

    Edit: if you’re quoting something, it’s kind of expected that you copy the correct quite… duh…


  • Hamas kidnapped Hersh Goldberg-Polin, among other non-combatants, on the 7th of October. As captors, Hamas were at a minimum responsible for keeping the hostages alive. Hamas could have chosen to release the non-combatants at any point but choose not to.

    This not about Israel being or not being assholes. This is about Hamas not even taking a minimum of responsibility for what they have caused.

    Hamas does not care about the Palestinian people. Hamas only cares about their cause.