I remember when Fernandinho was immune to yellow cards.

WHERE’S THAT GUY, I NEED TO FUCK HIM

Mate, both United and Liverpool recycle plastics at the Etihad.

Let’s say you were a guy with an alcohol problem. Let’s say you were an otherwise decent bloke, good family man, took care of your business, not late to work – not a superstar at work, mind, but a solid mid-table laborer doing honest work every day, you just have a bit of a drink problem. Let’s also say you have a spectacularly rich uncle.

Rich uncle wants to help you with the drink issue, because there’s no sense in ruining your life over something so minor. So he pays a guy to be with you all the time, and if you start drinking, it’s his job to cut you off and get you back home. The guy he pays to help you happens to be your boss at work – bit weird, I admit, but the boss seems a decent bloke as well, and just wants to make sure you’re okay.

One night you go out to the local pub and get a bit too sauced. Not badly, mind, maybe just a drink or two past reasonable. You wake up in the morning and call your boss, and tell him "I had a bit too much last night. Everyone is safe, but here’s exactly what happened and where I went wrong.

The boss fires you, fucks your wife, kicks your dog, and releases a public statement calling you a piece of shit, even though he personally had to approve everything you drank last night.

Meanwhile the smack addict down the road robbed a fucking bank while wearing no mask, and is now dating supermodels, driving Ferraris, and living in a house far nicer than yours.

That’s why the Toffees are mad, and I can’t say that I fucking blame them.

Pretty easy actually.

Buy tons of very young, very raw potential at premium prices in a competitive market. That’s it. That’s what you do.

Because the young talent may pan out, or it may not; you’ll have no tram cohesion going into the season, and your most experienced Premier League player is Raheem Sterling, who has never been The Main Man at any of his clubs. Great player, not saying he isn’t capable on the pitch, but you’re asking for him to do something he has not yet shown he can do.

Lead.

The entire team, the whole squad, he’s gotta lead them all. Got Reese James to help him, sure, so that’s two. Got Thiago Silva, so that’s three I guess. But all the money in the world won’t buy leadership, and three out of eleven won’t get it done.

Let’s use City as an example, because while the club are pretty obviously massive cheats, the on-field players aren’t the ones financially doping the club. Bernardo Silva is a cunt, but he’s a cunt you’d love to have on your team. Guaranteed, he’s put his arm around Phil Foden a time or two, to teach him how to be better. Stones and Ake as well, leading the back line. Kyle Walker, KDB, Rodri…the whole team is packed full of players who are not just incredibly talented, but they all have leadership skills in one way or another. Liverpool are the same. Alisson, VVD, Matip, Trent, Robbo, Thiago, Mo, you’ve got captains past, current and present all through that squad. Even the new guys are that way – Szobo is Hungary’s captain, as an example.

Leadership is what they’re missing. But that will come with time.

…then get the calls right.

Step 1 of not being criticized for being shit at your job is to not be shit at your job. Get tough all you want, but that’s not going to make the referees better.

And 100% reason to end second again 😭

Nuñez is about to score eighty goals next season.