• stebo@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      1 month ago

      reminder to my fellow extraverts to treat their introvert extra well today, they might need it

    • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
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      1 month ago

      Yea. My strat is to be friends with the extrovert and then identify the other introverts who’re also friends with them and go be by ourselves together. I then return the favor by encouraging the introverts I’m now friends with to go to his outings.

    • Scavenger_Solardaddy@lemmy.ml
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      1 month ago

      This is so true! I have many other friends now because my best friend is a textbook example of an extrovert. He just knows people anywhere we go or at least someone knows him.

  • jerkface@lemmy.ca
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    1 month ago

    It’s really hard to meet people because all the people I want to know are hiding from humanity.

    • Asafum@feddit.nl
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      1 month ago

      I don’t want the type of person I’d meet at a bar and there really aren’t many events for things I’m into around me. The people I’d like are more than likely like me, hoping I’d teleport into their living room just the same.

      I’m also in a terrible place for my personality. It feels like I’m in materialistic asshat conservative HQ, so there’s that too…

      • AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world
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        1 month ago

        Bentonville, AK AR?

        Edit’ wrong state abbreviation. Sorry Alaska! Didn’t mean to offend any of the dozens of you up there.

        • Asafum@feddit.nl
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          1 month ago

          Long Island actually lol

          NY is weird because people have the impression that it’s all blue and chock full of “liberals” but a lot of long island is racist and conservative AF. A lot of “greater NY” is also conservative other than the larger cities. Long Island is also super expensive to live in so you tend to have more wealthy materialistic people here.

  • Signtist@lemm.ee
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    1 month ago

    A buddy of mine got his first girlfriend in college after a family friend noticed that his single niece also liked manga and anime and introduced the two. I was very jealous of his attractive, nerdy girlfriend-turned-wife for several years until I finally got on a dating site and found love for myself.

    • Asafum@feddit.nl
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      1 month ago

      I finally got on a dating site and found love for myself.

      Luckyyy! I was on them for over a decade, but because of my location there’s a body of water separating all the cool people I’d see on there from me… Everyone around me is like the literal opposite of me.

      • Signtist@lemm.ee
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        1 month ago

        I dunno how you went about it, but I’ve given some pointers to friends who weren’t having any luck with online dating, and a lot of them were being too passive about it, basing their potential match choices mainly off of “vibes” and sending mostly generic opening messages - the quantity-over-quality approach.

        While I was on the site, I spent hours a day going through every single person’s profile - looking it over to really get as best of an understanding of the person as I could - and if I took interest in a few points, I’d send a message personalized to them based on what I saw on their profile. I also made sure that my own profile was well fleshed out, filling every field with well thought out responses, and putting up pictures of me hanging out with friends and doing activities like cooking and going to an amusement park.

        Some, though not all, of the people who followed my advice eventually found success through dating sites. If you haven’t tried all this, I’d suggest giving it a shot. If you have, sorry for being presumptuous, and I hope that you find who you’re looking for eventually.

        • Asafum@feddit.nl
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          1 month ago

          I spent hours a day going through every single person’s profile - looking it over to really get as best of an understanding of the person as I could - and if I took interest in a few points, I’d send a message personalized to them based on what I saw on their profile. I also made sure that my own profile was well fleshed out, filling every field with well thought out responses

          I appreciate the advice, but I did all of this as well! I just don’t have the pictures of adventures because that’s not me lol I used to do a lot of hiking, but I’ve noticed a lot of profiles mention “I don’t care about your hiking or catching fish” (I don’t fish, but it was a common thing I’d read.) I think it’s just the kinds of people around me are too different than I am.

          My self image definitely doesn’t help either. I’m of the age where everyone is a professional and I’m just a worthless shitbag factory supervisor.

            • Asafum@feddit.nl
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              1 month ago

              It sure pays like one lol a bit better than a lot of other jobs an “uneducated” schmuck like me can get I suppose. I think it’s just how society views some types of jobs that leaves me feeling worthless.

              • thanks_shakey_snake@lemmy.ca
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                29 days ago

                Yeah well society is an asshole and personally I ignore most of what it says.

                You’re in a position where you can affect whether the people around you feel like a worthless piece of shit, or like a valuable, appreciated human being. If you’re usually doing the latter and trying to avoid the former (and make it right when it does happen) then you’re not a worthless piece of shit.

                You deserve to receive that too, and I’m sorry that you aren’t.

                • Asafum@feddit.nl
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                  28 days ago

                  You’re in a position where you can affect whether the people around you feel like a worthless piece of shit, or like a valuable, appreciated human being.

                  That is actually how I operate, I’m always advocating for the guys I work with and buy them breakfast or something after a push. I always make sure to thank them for their help at the end of the day. It’s a bit easier as I work with them as opposed to over them and I think they see that. It helps that I get to point to the office as the “other” that is making life difficult as opposed to being part of it as well lol

          • Signtist@lemm.ee
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            1 month ago

            That sucks, bud. I hope your future love makes their way to your living room eventually!

        • Asafum@feddit.nl
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          1 month ago

          That too lol but really the Long Island sound. A lot of people from Connecticut seem up my alley, but they’re an expensive ferry and hours and hours away…

  • archonet@lemy.lol
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    1 month ago

    yes, because putting yourself out there just gets you yanked around by assholes – ask me how I know.

    Either Mr. Right will fall out of the great blue sky directly into my lap, or I’ll die alone. But I frankly no longer have the will to really put effort towards that, anymore; and I can’t fathom criticizing anyone else for deciding the same. Hell truly is other people.

      • archonet@lemy.lol
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        1 month ago

        not having a single person express genuine attraction and interest in me, in my life + the one time I thought I had that interest, after a few months, they dumped me on Christmas morning via text and said they essentially meant nothing of what they said before. Every single person before or since has either forgotten I exist or ghosted me outright within days or weeks of starting talking to them, even when they initiate. I suppose the novelty just wears off. Couple other highlights include the guy who used me as his therapist for a couple months until he forgot I existed when he got on antidepressants, and the guy who was over-the-top affectionate for weeks until apparently a switch flipped in his head and he became distant and quiet until ghosting me. And many more that I won’t bore you with.

        been slamming my head against that wall for 7+ years with absolutely no success, and I chose to stop trying for my own sanity. Sometimes you have to accept that some of the things you want out of life, are either simply not yours to have, or not in your control to obtain – it’s that or I keep raking myself over the coals trying to figure out what I don’t have that others want, and I’ve done that for long enough.

        and my story is just one of many, many people experiencing the hell that is other people.

        • shyguyblue@lemmy.world
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          1 month ago

          As a textbook people-pleaser, yeah it’s exhausting being the fun new toy until i realize they are using me as a bang-maid…

        • LouNeko@lemmy.world
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          1 month ago

          Sometimes you have to accept that some of the things you want out of life, are either simply not yours to have, or not in your control to obtain

          Couldn’t have said it netter myself.

      • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
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        1 month ago

        You don’t have to do it for everything. There’s lots of lower risk, rewarding activities than trying to find someone decent to date. I’m way less depressed since I got over the idea that I needed to be in a relationship to be happy. I have friends I hang out with. I have hobbies that interest me. Sure I’d like to have sex more but being in a relationship is no guarantee of that either.

  • PapaIsolation@lemm.ee
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    1 month ago

    I thought my problem was not going outside, but I recently saw a post about how most people meet online now.

    So it turns out I just suck. That’s helpful to know

    • Psychodelic@lemmy.world
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      Tbf that is helpful info

      I remember being surprised to realize/remember that there are (were?) totally kids that will knock on a new neighbor’s door to ask their parents if they could come out to meet them and play

      Imagine… taking action to put yourself out there and meet friends. That’s kinda wild

    • thanks_shakey_snake@lemmy.ca
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      Careful about where the posts come from-- Tinder et. al. have a vested interest in spreading the notion that the normal thing to do is to meet online, and so they publish surveys and press releases that reinforce that idea. Editorialists want a scoop about how the Digital Age is changing everything and the Youths Today are completely subverting existing norms.

      Some people meet online, yeah, and good for them. But still, going outside and having interactions with real people is still the primary way to form relationships, and that’s helpful in dating, career, hobbies, and wellbeing in general.

      You don’t just suck. Online dating is still hard, and everything is even harder when you don’t have a solid foundation of other relationships in your life.

  • Eiri@lemmy.ca
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    1 month ago

    That post’s gotta chill with the personal attacks, geez.

  • tektite@slrpnk.net
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    1 month ago

    Ew, a stranger appearing uninvited in my house?

    No, they can teleport to the driveway like a normal person, thankyouverymuch.

  • Katrisia@lemm.ee
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    1 month ago

    I mean, we are not 100% unfindable, we comment here on Lemmy! Normalize finding love through Lemmy (/jk).

    • lagomorphlecture@lemm.ee
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      1 month ago

      Does having a cat count as being in a relationship? Because I feel like it should. I used to have a tuxedo cat who I actually got married to all the time. I couldn’t help it, he was all dapper.