cowboy you moved from a southern state to a northern one, people are just less friendly and more standoffish, it’s like that in most northern cities. just a reminder that you are man enough and anybody who tries to make you feel lesser probobaly isn’t worth your time, just be true to yourself and you will find people who you vibe with

Nodding at men you pass is a culturally-specific action, and not universal to the male experience. I only encountered it while living in the Midwest.

What does being clocked mean?

where i am nod thing is only usedfor men u know an frends so could be regional thing meowmeow i hav found is more man thing to ignore strangers in public at least where i am

It’s kind of been a known thing among trans men communities that trans men tend to pass more in rural/more conservative areas than urban/progressive ones. This is something I’ve seen referenced, oh, probably for 20 years now.

Having grown up in a conservative area, I think there’s an element of conservative communities sort of believing that if someone doesn’t look like a cartoon caricature of a queer person, they must be cishet and any ‘evidence’ to the contrary will be waved away. So what would be called a baby face in a conservative area might be seen as a feminine face in a progressive one.

By contrast in progressive communities, my experience is that cis people will kind of over correct and assume that if you look gender nonconforming then you’re trans. Ask any butch lesbian in an urban area and they will probably tell you that they also get they’d a lot! Obviously it’s not the same as it is for trans people, but it’s probably nothing you in particular are doing to “cause” it.

It’s a sucky experience but try to see it as it is: their imperfect interpretation of you, based on almost nothing other than a quick glance. Correct them if it’s worth your time and do your best to shake it off if it’s not.

I just wanna say from a man’s perspective, don’t read into it too much. When I’m in public, I damn near put blinders on. A couple weeks ago, I walked straight past a buddy of mine in public and didn’t even see him. He texted me later like, “Dude, we cool?” I had to ask him to elaborate, as I was completely confused.

You’re doing great. Be true to yourself. Don’t worry about strangers; we are becoming increasingly isolated from one another due to various factors, including polarization. You got this, dude.

Not US, but coming from a somewhat progressive area, I don’t get what you mean by nodding. I know that as something you do to say hi while you’re talking, you’re far away, have hands occupied and can’t wave, etc. And I default to “they” for practically everybody.

Yeah if you moved from like the US south to PNW for instance, I personally know someone who’s done the move and is trans who found themselves feeling kinda the the same thing bc of how standoffish ppl here are. I did the move ten years ago and personally loved no longer being roped into being social with everyone, but it does legitimately mean i greet ppl who never even acknowledge me and sometimes that makes me feel rejected/judged even though i know it’s not personal.

For me, i appreciate knowing that no one around me cares enough to pay attention, but i grew up in a small town. I don’t find ppl as involved in my business outside the south, but I know the social scripts of greeting and interacting makes some ppl feel safer/as if ppl care even though they’re just as likely to dislike you where im from.

But yeah idk progressive folks ironicly care LESS to pay too much attention. They’ll often glance and assume queer and then just try and guess based on their feelings of gender which can be just as bad and stereotype ladened as anyone from anywhere. Right now a lot of ppl are fucky on gendered traits even if they mean well cause of culture war stuff. I know trans ppl right now who clock others the wrong direction. Everyone is sensitive of upsetting others but no one will just ask pronouns if they arent sure. I HATE how chicken shit scared everyone is up here about everything!

Ppl in the US south sort of culture, in my experience, dont have enough to do so they’re always bored. ppl in progressive places got shit to do and want to end any exchange as fast as possible regardless of who you are and usually dont really pay attention during the exchange to the person they’re talking to cause they’re in their own head about their shit. (・_・;) making friends can be really hard here too :(

Um. I could be totally wrong i am definitely not an authority, but your experience made me think of this. My friend has been here 5 years and is only just now realizing that ppl here disrespect everyone by not paying enough attention to even TRY and get pronouns right for anyone slightly gender nonconforming (this even means traits on a cis person others have just decided should be only one one gender presentation even though humans aren’t really very sexually dymorphic) in appearance cis or no right now.

They just guess and I see it wrong all the time for cis people too. It’s not to diminish your experience! Im closer to 40 than not and have seen lack of care trigger someone just as much as genuine transphobia and it doesn’t make the dysphoria less anguishing im so sorry. 💙

Edit: i think my friend told me something like “where im from they’re just honest when they hate you, here it feels like less people care or hate me, but more people here feel like they don’t want me around at all regardless of anything about me personally. And that happens more often here than the hate did there.” if you can relate to that!