I’m so proud of you…

I would first tell him that I think he’s already better than that guy in many ways. Because I would always be there for my kids, I could explain the value of being a balanced, strong person while avoiding becoming a megalomaniacal chauvenist. The end.

“You want to be a whiny loser?”

Learn the drag tuck, son.

Educate them, in detail, on why Tate is an absolute tosspot and how to not be blindsided by such influencers in the future.

I would consider myself an absolute failure of a father and try to understand how I could have raised a son so poorly.

Get confused as to why I have a son in the first place. Then shove him into a meat grinder until all that’s left is his finger (or maybe his eyeball). Then burn the remains so it can’t get back up. I don’t know what it is, but it’s not human.

Your half Australian, so you are already half way to being a criminal. The rest is up to you mate.

I’d tell him he got his mother’s penis