Keep going on about ‘gerrin Hecky out and Wilder would whip this bunch into something.’ Every so often mention ‘tek’in shoes off int car park to get prince out.’

If your beloved team score, celebrate it. Dont worry. You may not be the only one doing so, as some fans will want the defeat to meet the criteria above.

P.s if asked say the best river is the Don not the Mersey.