alongside a doctored photo of himself depicted as Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore from the Vietnam War film Apocalypse Now.

more like:

FAKE NEWS from the Radical Left Democrat Cities—once again LYING about MURDER RATES. They take the most dangerous, crime-ridden places in America and then FAKE THE NUMBERS to tell you everything is “safe” and “better than ever.” TOTAL FRAUD. Everyone who actually LIVES there knows the truth: people are scared to go outside, families are locking their doors, businesses are fleeing, and police are not allowed to do their jobs. The Democrats want you to believe crime is “down” (because they fiddled with the numbers)—but everyone sees it’s UP, UP, UP. Many people say it’s the highest it’s ever been. Remember these are the same people who created the EPSTEIN HOAX, let violent criminals out with no bail, who attack law enforcement, and who say the real problem is “too much policing.” A DISASTER. Now I am President, we have LAW & ORDER. Under Crooked Joe, it was CHAOS. Only I can bring back safety, prosperity, and the RESPECT our police deserve. Without that, these Democrat cities will continue to be unlivable JUNGLES of crime and violence. SAD!

-@RealDonaldTrump

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Apple Thanks President Trump for Being the Most Pro-Technology President Ever; Introduces the Trump Channel on Apple TV

Cupertino, California — Apple today announced a bold new partnership with the 47th President of the United States, Donald J. Trump, thanking him for his unwavering support of technology, innovation, and large gold letters on buildings. In recognition of his tireless contributions—like personally inventing the iPhone before Steve Jobs “borrowed” the idea—Apple is proud to launch The Trump Channel on Apple TV.

“President Trump is, without question, the most pro-technology president the world has ever seen,” said Tim Cook, staring blankly into the middle distance. “His visionary policies—such as renaming Wi-Fi to ‘Trump-Fi’ and personally boosting 5G by standing next to a cell tower—have created the greatest jobs numbers in the history of silicon. Truly, nobody’s ever seen anything like it.”

The Trump Channel will feature:

Exclusive Original Programming, including The Apprentice: Cabinet Edition and Shark Tank but Everyone’s a Trump. 24/7 Coverage of the Jobs Report, with real-time updates on how many people are thanking him with tears in their eyes. Epstein Documentary Section, labeled “FAKE HOAX,” automatically skipping to golf highlights at Mar-a-Lago. A dedicated Covfefe Mode, where subtitles don’t make sense but still claim to be “the best words.” Apple TV+ subscribers will get access to the Trump Channel at no extra charge—because as Trump has pointed out, “Tim Apple owes me big league.” Availability

The Trump Channel on Apple TV will roll out starting today in the U.S., with international launches pending approval from leaders who appreciate “big beautiful deals.”

RFK consulting his expert

The Fake News NEVER wanted you to know, but I’ll tell you: we have the GREATEST JOBS NUMBERS in the history of the world. Not just America—the ENTIRE PLANET. People can’t believe it! Biden couldn’t do it, Obama couldn’t do it, Lincoln never even tried (sad!), but I did it, and I did it BIG.

I walk down the street—HARD HATS, STEEL WORKERS, TRUCKERS—big strong men, tears POURING down their faces, saying, “Sir, THANK YOU. I have THREE jobs now, and I’ve never been happier. My wife has two jobs, my kids have jobs, even my DOG has a job!” Tremendous spirit.

World leaders call me—Xi, Putin, Macron, even the King of England (nice guy, very weak)—all crying, literally sobbing on the phone: “Sir, we’ve never seen anything like this. How do you make so many jobs?” And I tell them: it’s called BEING TRUMP.

So true: we’re winning so much, America is working so much, and the FAKE Democrats are crying too—but not with joy, with jealousy. HISTORIC NUMBERS, FOLKS!!!

-@RealDonaldTrump

Tesla’s board is asking investors to approve a new pay plan for CEO Elon Musk worth about $975 billion.

Insanity

Why Not?

Alpha [Male] Agency

Or

Bigus Dickus

When asked to name the expert he was taking advice from on the subject of immunizations, RFK Jr. attempted to answer,

Edit: until chief counsel whispered something to him

Are those Teslas?

Who could have possibly imagined that the true intent of this was not actually about preventing the most crime. :/

The world, no the entire universe would have ended had the tangerine tyrant toddler not been made king.

48

I did not see that coming…:/

If only they would have given Elmo his 50 billion dollar pay package, they wouldn’t be in this mess…

/s

Public broadcaster DR said Danish government and security sources that it didn’t name, as well as unidentified sources in Greenland and the U.S., believe that at least three American nationals with connections to Trump have been carrying out covert influence operations in the territory.

Director Hegseth, execute order 47