Don’t do what my son did. When he was about 9 I took him to watch a Manchester derby at the Etihad, but the only tickets I could get were “City Social” ones in the NW corner with the home fans. You have a meal beforehand and they give you a program n’that. Anyway we eat then go to our seats, stadium is slowly filling up. An older guy comes over chatting and asks my lad who his favourite player was. He blurted out “Rooney!” Thankfully this guy just laughed and told him he should probably keep that to himself. It was a rubbish scrappy game, we eventually won 1-0 from a Ronaldo penalty. When the ball went in he instinctively jumped up, remembered where he was, and in a pathetic voice went “Oh no.” Luckily all the bluenoses were too busy still whining about the pen being given to notice.

Lifelong match going Red here. I started going to games in the mid-1980s.

I can’t stand the c***.