The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/just-my-opinion84 on 2025-02-22 07:07:00.

AITA? I (M43) had an argument with my partner (F32) about a trip to her home country. We both live abroad, work full-time, and contribute to shared expenses, but I earn more and cover almost all our bills. I also pay for all our travel (usually alternating between visiting her home country and mine each year) and am the only one saving for the future. She spends about a quarter of her salary on shared expenses, with the rest going to herself and her family.

Travel is expensive, and after bills and savings, it takes up all my disposable income. This year, my dad is turning 90, and I’m planning something special for him, which means traveling to my country. It’s a milestone birthday, and I want to go all out because I don’t know how many more he’ll have. It’s a huge expense, but to me, it’s worth it. Every penny I save is going toward this, and even then, I probably won’t have enough saved in time.

My partner, however, recently said she wants to go home this year too, even though it’s not her turn. I told her I can’t afford two big trips, but I could just about manage to buy her a ticket and send her alone if I cut back on my own personal spending. She refused, saying she doesn’t want to travel alone and insists I come with her.

I suspect part of the reason is financial because if she goes alone, she’ll stay in her family’s cramped home, but if I go, we’ll stay in a hotel that I’d be paying for. On top of that, I’d also be expected to cover expenses, including meals out with her friends and family. I don’t mind doing this once a year when I’ve planned for it, but this year, all my savings are going toward my dad’s birthday.

I told her I can’t afford both trips, but she insists I have more money than I claim because I save while she doesn’t. I told her we could work together to save up for the trip later in the year, but she insists she has to go in the next two months (not enough time to save the required amount) because the weather in her country gets bad after that.

I feel like an ATM rather than a partner at this point. If this were an emergency, I’d find a way, but I don’t think I should have to dip into savings or take away from my dad’s milestone birthday just because she suddenly decided she is homesick.

AITA for saying no?