The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/dunkinteach on 2024-12-22 20:25:48.

My FH and I are less than 6 months away from our wedding. I have been doing the majority of our wedding planning because my parents are funding the entire wedding. It makes sense that I should be the primary communicator given that my parents are the ones financing the wedding, but it has taken a lot out of me to be project managing and coordinating myself, my FH, my parents and future in laws. My parents are type A and plan things in advance (I lean more this way too), and my FH’s family are very last-minute. This has never been an issue until it became my job to coordinate everyone. For context, the wedding will take place in the city in which my FH and I live, my parents live a ~6 hour drive away, and future in-laws live 2 hours away.

One appointment we needed was our tasting with the caterer. This was much more complicated than I expected — we needed to make sure my FH and I, my parents, my wedding planner, and the caterer were all available on the same day for this appointment. I wasn’t sure if we could invite extra people or not, so my plan was to invite the in-laws after we scheduled if we could indeed invite 2 extra people to the tasting. It turned out we could, so after the meeting where I confirmed my FH, parents, and I were all available, I texted my in laws to invite them. We got the last Saturday date available, so there weren’t any other options for the tasting unless my parents took time off of work.

My in-laws texted back that, turns out, there’s a family birthday party that MIGHT be on that same Saturday. I told them that’s too bad and we would miss them at the tasting. They responded and said no, you and FH are expected to be there for this party too (even though there are no concrete plans yet). I explained to them that we already scheduled this tasting along with a tour of our venue that day that would be nearly impossible to reschedule. I was incredibly frustrated that they assumed that we’d clear our schedules to attend something they invited us to last-minute.

Even if it was possible to reschedule this appointment, I told my FH I am unwilling to incur the wrath of my mother by telling her we need to reschedule. My mother would find a way to make this situation my fault and having to be the one to communicate bad news to her is not something I’m willing to do (in order to protect my mental health). My FH is now saying I’m preventing him from attending this relative’s birthday, someone who is important to him, even though he agreed to this tasting date and the birthday party hasn’t even been locked down yet.

TL;DR: Am I the AH for telling my FH he either has to miss or go late to his relative’s birthday because he committed to our wedding tasting? I suppose I could be because of my unwillingness to deal with my mother to reschedule— although, in this situation, I don’t think it’s reasonable or worth it to jump the gun and tell my parents to reschedule when this hypothetical birthday party isn’t even set in stone yet.