it’s very irritating — i even like closing the door for some reason to keep the cats out sometimes for complete privacy. I assume it’s something residual from childhood, but it’s very irritating. I’ve coalesced most of my main stuff that I use in the actual bedroom then the other rooms have more ‘display’ type stuff that I use less often
I can’t get myself to get up and be in my own damn living room. I don’t know why. It feels more empty, I suppose. It feels less….safe somehow. It’s very stupid and annoying that I am like this and I wish I wasn’t like this
and never mind the hell of knowing that some people actively hate being in their house, or preach that YOUr HomE iS JUsT A beD Get ouT THEre get OUt OF yoUr cOmFORT ZOnE. which is not the direction i want to go either, because that’s impossible for my brain and who i am at this point, and I’m fine with that. I like that about myself frankly.
But I want to watch a film on the big TV dammit.
I relate to this for sure, especially when I was first living alone. It’s natural to want to continue spending alone time where you historically have, so I wouldn’t worry too much. I would however try to optimize the space for how you want to use it. Maybe it feels empty because it is? You even said you decorate differently depending on when it’s going. Perhaps try to make your living room an extension of your bedroom. Carry the theme into that room and lean on the door being open to build cohesion. If it feels less safe, maybe try some things to make you feel enclosed. Some tall plants, over stuffed chairs, that kind of thing.
At the end of the day, being satisfied with less square footage than you have available to you isn’t a problem, it’s an asset. Good luck!
Have you considered a large studio? You get the best of both worlds. Nothing wrong with liking your personal space.
I had a similar issue recently with my deck/yard, where I just felt “unwelcome” there, and couldn’t bring myself to leave the house, even on my own property.
My therapist suggested exposure therapy, where I created a list of activities of varying (self-classified) “severity”. Then I started with the “easy” activities, and gradually worked my way up.
Additionally, I would reflect on what makes you feel this way. For example, if it’s the wide open space that’s intimidating, perhaps consider breaking it up with furniture, or even build a “fort” out of sheets and such to make it cozy.
I recently lived somewhere where we bisected a room with a tall (and deep, so it didn’t fall over) shelf, which made the room feel a lot more “at home”. Draping sheets or tapestries are also an easy low-cost way to add a sense of snug-ness to a room.
It’s also possible this aversion stems from past trauma as you’ve mentioned, which is worth considering, but unfortunately I’m not qualified to give any specific advice on that.
I also love TragicNotCute’s suggestion of using decor to give it a more inviting feel. Like, if you have collectibles/posters/etc in your bedroom, consider doing the same in the living room to make it more inviting.
And I’ll also agree that at the end of the day, it’s your space to do with as you please. If you decide that not using that space is what you want, you don’t have to use it - could even move the bigger TV into your room if that’s what you prefer.
Okay, hear me out… Big ass pillow fort for movie nights.
Try to bring the comfort of your room with you. And if you start spending more time out there, if and when you want to take another step, it can happen when you’re ready.
Next steps might be finding a hobby or other activities that can be done in those spaces.
I know it’s not universal, but I’ve found that if you can find something to love (or like) about the space, and you’ll eventually love (or like) being there.
I had an apartment once…had no roommate and being in a transitional program didn’t work out.
