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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/Confident-General633 on 2023-07-08 23:08:00+00:00.

The emotional roller coaster is out of this world. The darkest sadness, the fiercest rage, glimmers of hope so faint I can barely see them. WS built our relationship on a foundation of lies and deceit (lied and cheated for the first year-had an entire relationship with someone else before we got married while also sexting others). Cheated physically 3 months after marriage.

And she refuses to go to “dark places” emotionally even though her actions and choices brought me/us there. Says she doesn’t want to live in the past. Never booked therapy because she says she doesn’t need it. Any conversation around this stuff results in her being impatient and angry. She just says she won’t cheat again.

Meanwhile, I’m starting therapy, reflecting, wanting to have tough conversations.

It’s not the infidelity I can’t forgive. She made bad choices because she’s a flawed human. But so am I.

I can’t reconcile and forgive because she won’t emotionally invest in healing this. I’m floating on my own emotionally and paying the price by myself for pain I didn’t cause. I’m so close to being done with this. I want to see what love looks and feels like outside of this pain. Like a gentle breeze caressing an aching wound that I forsake in favor of pouring salt instead.

I’m closer to choosing myself instead of us.

How do you know when your WS just isn’t in a place to genuinely do “the work”? Maybe they’re not ready, willing, or capable-how do you know?