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The original was posted on /r/asoneafterinfidelity by /u/AlwaysSilenced on 2023-07-08 06:34:17+00:00.

Tonight I (F, BS) got triggered pretty bad. Almost worse than normal actually. We were trying to find something to do tonight, and my boyfriend (M, WW) asked if I wanted to watch a movie. Because of my triggers, I always look up the “parent’s guide” to every movie before I watch it. He doesn’t know I do this, but if I see that it has a lot of nudity (watching these kinds of things with him triggers me and makes me feel uncomfortable ever since the cheating), I will make up an excuse not to watch the movie. Which is what I did tonight. So I said I wasn’t really in the mood for a movie and suggested we watch a stand up instead. I love stand ups and normally I can work through any triggers that may be joked about. Not tonight. The stand up was great. I was laughing and we were having a good time. But then the comedian was joking on the differences in men and women and why men cheat which I was okay with at first but then he started saying that if you hooked a man and a woman up to a lie detector test, the woman would say she would never give up everything she had just to sleep with Brad Pitt and she would be telling the truth but if you asked a man if he would give up everything he had to sleep with a woman behind a dumpster, he would in a heartbeat. And then he went on joking about how women tend to thank their spouses for not cheating because its so “human nature” for a man. I know he was joking. But this hit me so hard because I have expressed many times to my WW how no one and nothing would ever be worth losing him yet he was willing to throw me away to sleep with someone he didn’t even want to be with (his ex wife). So I was triggered by this set and it seemed to go on forever. I put my hand up against my face and leaned into it and just silently cried. He had no idea I was crying. I sat there in silence the rest of the show and towards the end, he touched my arm and kind of rubbed it and I instinctively pulled away. I never said anything and he turned the show off but it only had two minutes left and we were way past the triggering part so I told him it was okay to turn it back on because our son was watching it too and he wouldn’t turn it back on and then I calmly said "its okay to turn it back on. I don’t know why you turned it off. And he said “I don’t know why you’re upset”. My entire demeanor changed when that joke started. I felt a level of tension in myself and I had to hold back making some unnecessary comment that I knew wouldn’t make me feel any better and I didn’t want to make him feel bad. But then for him to not even know why I would be upset or triggered after a ten minute set on men being cheaters by nature, it was kind of disheartening. And now i’m just sad so I just excused myself to journal and be alone for a minute. Still never said anything to him. We’re a little over a year out from the last DDay. My therapist says I’m doing good for only being that far out. But how do I relearn to live in the real world where everyone around me gets to laugh at a joke and I have to sit there silently crying because I’m destroyed on the inside?