<p>I can’t figure out this washlet thing. </p> <p>There might be such a thing as a “bidet person.” It’s like poly, frankly, and I don’t want to hear about that either. Don’t talk to me about it. I have a lot of friends who really want to talk about them and they do. If I ever encounter a polycule with a washlet, I’ll have to fake my own death.</p>