Could be Anthony Jeselnik. Even if that’s not the guy you should check him out. He’s hilarious.

People dunk on Pete about alcohol because he’s been drunk at inappropriate times in the past, but I think they basically ignore the fact that he probably does a ton of blow too.

And that’s the closest he’s been to having an erection in a long time.

Yup. Danger is in the background.

My parents raised my brother. My sister, and I grew up in his shadow.

I thought hard work would be enough to make a living.

As an American I can say the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a hammer is a good guy with a hammer.

This administration sure does love protecting sex criminals.

True. I still think he sucks.

Anyone remember when Dave Portnoy said any woman under size six in skinny jeans deserves to be raped?

I went through a powerful magnet phase. Could I just carry one around sucking god from people’s brains? What do I do with god once god has been removed? Are the magnets I have already lousy with god? I don’t think I was given an accurate description of god as a kid or something.

Get outta my head.

Anyway…

Indeed

The one in front is Weenie. Leonard is behind him. Their faces are shaped differently so if they’re in decent lighting it’s not too difficult. They are my boys, and the other three are my girls.

The idea was to find them homes, but I didn’t want to separate them (from me).

I get stood on a lot.

I’ll take a Xanax spice latte.

That advice works for women too.

I hope you get to try them one day. They’re delightful.